Donuts Are Back!
by J-Nettie Spaghetti
Summary: Stand back, Trigun fans! The very thought of this might frighten you, but here me now and believe me later. VASH RAPPING to Baby Got Back, only it's not females he's talking about. NO! It's Donuts! A song parody to Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot


WARNING: There are some SPOILERS.

* * *

"**Donuts are Back!"** as sung by Vash the Stampede

(with help from most of the _Trigun_ cast)

A parody to **"Baby Got Back" **by Sir Mix A lot

* * *

**Knives**: Oh my God, Legato. Look at his mouth. 

**Legato**: It's so full.

**Knives**: He looks like one of those obsessed mamma's boys.

**Legato**: _(rolls eyes)_ Who understands those mamma's boys.

**Knives**: People only talk to him because he has high metabolism, okay? I mean, his mouth….

**Legato**: It's just so… full.

**Knives**: I can't believe it's so stuffed.

**Legato**: He probably can't even talk. I mean, it's gross.

**Knives**: Look, he's just so… Whacked!

_(cue music)_

**Vash**: I like donuts and I cannot lie.

You other gunmen ought'a try

These sweet little things with an itty bitty taste.

When ya stuff them in your face

You go "yum!"

Wanna pull up a plate

Cuz I notice that dough is glazed!

Deep fry 'em and I'll take ten.

I'm hooked and I ain't sharin'

So Crispy!

You wanna get milk, yah?

I'll take a pit'cha

My Chapel tried to warn me

But with that do-cart she's got makes me-

**Wolfwood**: Vash, you're so corny. _(Vash chases him off the stage)_

**Vash**: Ooh, to refuse is a sin

Yeah, just take a look at my twin.

Now excuse me, excuse me, gotta make room for The Stampede!

The flavor's enhancin'

And my mouth's advancin'

They're sweet, neat, take em' any day over Dominique

I'm tired of Milly T.

Sayin' puddin's the only thing

Take the average bad lad and ask him that-

**B.D. Neon**: She's probably whacked on crack.

**Vash**: So Villians

**Gung-ho Guns**: Yeah?

**Vash**: Villians

**Gung-ho Guns**: Yeah?

**Vash**: Has your master got donuts?

**Gung-ho**: Heck no!

**Vash**: Well tell 'em to bake it,

**Gung-ho Guns**: Bake it?

**Vash**: Bake it!

**Gung-ho Guns**: Bake it!

**Vash**: Bake those sugar donuts

Donuts are back!

**Wolfwood**: Vash, I think you're a little fruity.

**Vash**: Donuts are back!

**Wolfwood**: Wait, strike that, you're just plan looney.

**Vash**: I like 'em round and big

And when I'm eatin' like a pig

I just can't help myself

I don't need a Confessional

To tell ya it's more then I can handle

No matta' where I roam

It's Mmm!, double yum, Mmm! Mmm!

I ain't out to annoy

Just tellin' ya they're made to enjoy

I wann'em real soft and jelly

So find that jelly double

Can't stop'n that's the trouble

I want one covered in maple

So I'm lookin' for bakery stores

Lickin' the sugar, eatin' the holes

You can keep them sweet rolls

Eat that up, will ya Legato

But word to you quick shot mistah's

I wanna snack with ya

I won't shoot or kill ya

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna munch _(sound of Vash chowing down)_

Til the break of dawn

Nick, you got the whole thing wrong

A lot of coffee's just too strong

And them punks like to fake it and cake it

But I like the dough, ya know?

Cuz they're wide and they're fried

And I'm bound to put the sprinkles on

So Meryl!

**Meryl**: Yeah?

**Vash**: Meryl!

**Meryl**: What!?

**Vash**: 'Your planet caught up in peril?

**Meryl**: Duh!

**Vash**: Well turn around

Stick it out _(makes the L&P sign_)

Give that "Love and Peace" a shout

Donuts are Back! _(Meryl leaves the room shaking her head)_

Donuts are back!

Human beings,

When it comes to good meals

Legato ain't got nothin' to do with my selection

Plays mind tricks-wants more war-friend of Nick's?

_(shakes head)_ No taste, if you ask me. _(Wolfwood eyes him)_

So you say I'll just get fat'tah

Eatin' donuts by the plat'tah

But we plants ain't into gaining much weight, so it don't mat'tah

My records show I won't eat none unless you make dough, bro!

You can eat salmon with sandwiches, but please or'dah donuts

So Knives wants tah say "no, no"

And tell us that donuts need to go

So he'll toss it and beat it

And I dive into the trash to retrieve it

Still afraid that you'll get fat?

Well, they're worse things then that

Cuz the world's not lost cuz your brother's bitchin'

Trust me, food's more enrichin'

To the Sunday splits and the brown pudding

You ain't the real thang

Give me a twist'ah with all the su'gah

Down bread and icing by the 'iter

Needle-noggin's tired of this

Time to make my shopping list

I'm gonna take five carts and fill 'em

And walk home slow not to spill 'em

But ladies if the pastry's round

And you got some extras lying around

Dial 1-900-EAT-ALOT and live them hungry thoughts

Donuts are back!

Donuts are back!

Come reel in the good deal cuz donuts are back!

Ideal with such appeal, those donuts are back!

Great meal. Now all squeal, "Hey donuts are back!"

**Wolfwood:** 'Still feel that you're unreal, and you need a smack.

_(whipping sound then sound of Vash groaning)_

**Vash**:_(spoken)_ Hey, that hurt…. What kind of a churchman are you anyway….


End file.
